count down in order?

i think so don't you? so i have been here since what…July 31st? i say so anyway. been a while and well i have to say that I'm ready to go home. i have truly enjoyed my stay away from the normal but I'm ready to get back into the dirt and grime of my real home! i miss the great country and the smell of wood smoke in the evenings. and gosh i miss the loud noises in my house of kids screaming and laughing and yelling at each other. i always complained but you have no idea how i miss it so.

what i miss most is my family. seeing them smile even in times when smiling is the only thing we can do to keep ourselves going thru the week. and i truly appreciate it more and more. i love living a grateful for what i have lifestyle better than the I've got money lets go to the mall and shop lifestyle. :D i never truly appreciated what i had until i started earning my own money. thank you mom and dad for raising me right. :D

anyway so ive added more days to my schedule. which is nice. i am actually able to get out of the house. but i wish i could get out after work and hang with people. my “friends” are more acquaintances than friends at work. but alteast im not comfortable to talk to people outside of my bubble.

aaah ok so anyway count down? yes…im coming home to stay for good at christmas time because i miss everyone and everything back home more than i really can say. ive tried to hold it back and not let the emotions get the better of me, but the mask strings are wearing thin and i cannot manage to keep the mask on.

i wanna be able to come home and my dog welcome me. and you know what i really regret not spending more time with my family before i left. i became so lost in myself for the fact that i was leaving that i hid in my room or went out with friends. and i really wish that i could have that time again and able to spend it more with my family.

darn it i didnt wanna start crying for this….geeez. but im glad that i have like 2 and1/2 months left of this place. i dont think i was ready to leave the house just yet. i need my parents and siblings most of all. and they have NO idea how i really feel. D:

classic peg.

tuesday is dumpster day?

every 2 weeks in ridgewood there is a large trash pick up day. and let me tell you the saying "one mans trash is another mans treasure" is sooo true! the people out here seriously throw away things that are either so last week or so last season. or just whatever, and you find yourself coming home with sooo many great finds! i am on my way to furnishing my first apartment i swear!
i got a queen sized wooden bed frame with the whole old fashion would slats and all. i got a really cool chair, a baby basket complete with padding and all. and then found yet another chair but might not keep it. on a second run out i found 2 ATVs for kids, a childs chest of drawers, and a lebron james nike basketball. what a deal eh? totally something i would do every 2 weeks because you never know whats out there.

something must have made you say that

so i am totally in the mood for some chocolate pudding with a layer of kool-whip. and then more pudding then granola sprinkles. aaaaah. doesn't that sound just soooo amazing?

something like this perhaps?

how amazing does that look? i don't know but I'm pretty convinced that that is on my list of must haves. hahaha

so this week has been pretty busy. still waiting for the baby. stupid doctor keeps saying this week. this week. this week. for like the past 3 weeks and the last appointment he didn't say anything. WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

i have spent much of my free time this week finishing book after book. im so determined to finish the rest of the large books that i brought within the next two weeks.

i first finished Abigail Cooper : psychic eye. that was a book that i COULDNT put down at all. i read it while at work. i read it late into the night. i was so determined to never put it down as long as i could and when i finished i was like OH MY GOD! i want more!! its the first of a series and i was craving sooo much more.

 

i would highly recommend that book again and again. it had mystery and romance evenly tied together. you cant find alot of books that way. my next book that yes i finished at 2:43 am this morning was oh my god a best. Anne rinaldi has definitely every bit of me behind her stories. they are AMAZING!

it was The Staircase that i finished and now im onto her “A break with Charity” a story about the salem witch trials. and so far its pretty good. and very accurate with historical imformation.

but thats not entirely why im writing so you get a few book reviews or what ever. i just thought i would update. this week has been a constant weird. the weather is either amazingly perfect. not humid and not dry either. or its raining.

 

and i dont mind that. since honestly its rained like ever other day since i have been here. might as well get used to it yes?

might invest in some of these?

today i have been in an all around its time to bring out the poet mood. constantly doodling things on random pieces of paper or typing up the random ideas i have into my phone if i have no space. and in the end they come to never have any part in each other cause they don't make sense together… D:

here's a random piece that i typed up quick because it came fast and completely random…and i now cannot build off of it because i don't have the same feelings anymore…ughh

so i haven't totally made real friends to hang out with around here. made “friends” with some people at work and that's where it will stay i suppose. i kind of feel like this around some people because they all know each other for alot longer than i can really understand…

while every one is like this:

but hey im sure in time things will get better. but im just in this place for the money. hopefully going to try to buy me a new car.

either this:

or this:

but thats my goal. even if i have to wait till i get home to actually purchase the car…

yucky muck

“i need a fix cause I'm going down down to the pits that i left up town. i need a fix cause I'm going doooowwwwn. mother superior jumped the gun!!..happiness is a warm gun, yes it is.”

So these past couple of day haven't been entirely pleasant up here. trying to get to bed “Early” is harder than it has been in the past. i just wanna stay up and talk but that doesn't seem like its going to work with me very well. well not anymore at least.  so anyway yesterday i woke up at like 630 am because the roofers were already working on the church roof next door. and seriously that's RIGHT is our backyard. how can i get away from that? i cant cause my window is RIGHT there. uggggh! so that was the end of probably the best dream that i have had since i have been here. hmmm.

  i hope they leave soon cause i need sleep. it takes alot of hours for me to look this amazing! haha kidding.

so i worked last week. first real job and my first real week of work. and i liked it. it was really some fun stuff. the kids are all fun. some are….well… cant really say that i hate them but cant say they are the best or that i like them. so…you can think on your own.

i finally got the tour of the spa. and its absolutely amazing inside. they have a large set up for their fitness area including side rooms that are also LARGE! and the classes they provide are incredible i hope to sometime get into one of these classes. and i wouldn't have to pay a dime! OH MEH GOSH! how awesome is that? right…mhm.

so i really have found what i wanna do with my future career. talk about something hands on! i wanna be a massage therapist. eh? sound good to anyone? i think so anyway. looking into taking some online classes that will get me the credits and stuff i need before i need to go into an actual school to do the hands on portion of the class. i think it would be something i would be really good at. cause we already have a skin care specialist up here why not try something different like massage therapy?

so i got my hair cut today. looks cute. nothing really different. at all. but i went in and i was the first one there and my stylist hadn't even come into work yet so i was like DANG! but when he got there OMG you could just tell that we was G-A-Y. and honest to blog that has no effect on me what so ever. I'm just saying. he was nice. kept talking to everyone around him because i wasn't a regular and he had just come back from vacation in the Caribbean islands. so they were all catching up. that's perfectly fine with me. i could care less. but he was a pretty cool guy. everyone in there is like family and really nice to each other.

finally got a package in the mail today! omg it was absolutely amazing! i felt so loved. i got 3 cds. 4 magazines. a book and a picture. i was like THIS IS AWESOME! i cant wait till i get a paycheck that way i can start sending out stuff to people like promised. :D

first day jitters

so i started work today at ethos fitness and day spa for women. it is oh sooo nice inside, although i still have yet to get a tour of the place. but its still probably the nicest spa fitness  place that i have gone to. so its well worth the wait cause I'm sure that it will all be pretty spectacular in the end. :D

www.ethosfitness.com is the site if anyone cares to check it out.

and i get free gym membership for just working there. so hopefully with my fellow co-workers i can take up an abs class and come back looking good. hahaha

but today i went in and i looked fabulous. i mean really. i looked good. all business like, it was different. but i went in with a good outlook on the day and honestly it really was. i had a good time. so i was shy for the first part but i warmed up and was like this really isn't all that bad. the girls that i worked with today were very nice and very welcoming. so i was very thankful to them for that.

in the childcare you really don't have alot to do. you get to sit behind a desk and print out coloring pages while moms work out or whatever. or watch movies. but its really laid back. its nice. i like it.

hopefully i can cross train with the front desk workers and try to become a skilled receptionist. so either way this job holds many opportunities and I'm excited.

journey to the east coast

well i am now in jersey and it really is a different everything up here. and surprisingly the people are a lot nicer here then they are in New York. must be the atmosphere or something ha ha got some pretty good pictures on my travels i guess.

for the first week that i was away from home we went to myrtle beach for some relaxation before the big move to the highly polluted air “garden state”. that was pretty fun. we ate out a lot which is actually really bad for you. but i wasn't complaining the food was good. we got to go to the beach two nights. it rained most of the time while we were there which sucked cause i wanted more beach time. my girls back home asked me to take pictures of the guys. and well ladies i did but sorry they didn't turn out larger. but here are some pictures i did take while down on the beach.

Dan and Justin on the beach

                  me saying hello to everyone back home

not a very good picture but its me :D

this was for the girls back home

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the rest of my beach pictures if you wanna look at them :D

the beach was alot of fun and i wish that we could have stayed longer down there. i felt more at ease down at the beach. could have just been the salty sea air getting to me but none the less it was nice and relaxing and I'm glad that i had the chance to go down there.

My trip up to new jersey should have taken oh maybe 11 hours with my uncle driving…but instead we were like a 16 hour drive cause of delays in traffic and construction and blah blah blah. oh it was a mess. but we made it and it was a fast ride for me anyway since i slept most of the way. haha. but i did get some pictures on the way in to jersey. some of new York and some in town.

we got in on Saturday evening. and I'm still living out of a tub. hmm… oh well. the town is very cute. everything and i mean everything is in walking distance of the house. there is a train station and grocery stores and restaurants and all sorts of things just everywhere. and amazing as it is a starbucks on every corner i swear!!

View Full Album

its time for an update

well lets see as of recently we went to Fort niagra for their 250th anniversary event and let me tell you that was the bomb diggity yo! ha-ha. the weather was really nice and honestly not that cold. but chilly. that was the BIGGEST event that i had ever gone to. probably like 50,000 reenactors that's putting it nicely i would say and probably about the same for the whole weekend of visitors and it was INSANE!

i got like seriously 600 pictures from the event alone. so ill just put up like my favorites. cause heckabombdoodle the British looked FANTASTIC!

they had to turn around so they could all cross the bridge. but hey they look fantastic…oh that's JUST the grenadiers. doesn't even put a dent in the size of the British forces.  

then after being at the fort for like 4 or 5 days. we headed on our way to Niagra falls. they are sooo pretty. its absolutely crazy! i got some good pictures there too.

yeah we had a good time at the falls. after that we headed on our way down the states. didn't go to far really before we needed to find a hotel. the next day we went to the Trenton Old Barracks in New Jersey. took a tour and unfortunately we were not able to take pictures inside the buildings. so we don't have much there.

after that we went to valley forge. walked thru some of the historic battle field there. that was pretty need. i actually would like to back to valley forge on another trip.

then onto Gettysburg. that was a very last minute trip decision. seriously we saw the signs and were like lets go! so we found a hotel and the next day we spent what would have been a two hour self guided tour took us ALL day. no joke from sun up to sun down. but it was very much worth it and very beautiful. i unfortunately do not have pictures from the last two places.

but my family vacation was actually very fun! took a week to do it all. haha

my final decisions

so i think i have actually made up my mind as to what i want to do for after i graduate...

yes i do believe i do...

i think that going to new jersey for the rest of the year and possibly some more than that… working my tail ends off. saving up every bit of money i possibly can and then…coming home and attending The Salon professional academy over in saint Andrews.

yes its still close to home. i could stay in this house if my parents don't actually move like they are thinking of doing…

but other than that i think I'm pretty set on where i think i will be heading after i graduate…

and hopefully me and Andrew will last for a long time. he's on that i would be absolutely devastated if i lost…

 

but its time for finals. and i have many many reviews to be working on…i just get sooo side tracked easily…

the first

some say there is a first for every thing...

“Why is it, when your looking for that someone, you find no one, but, once you find it, a lot more choices start showing up? But, if you leave that first love, then, they all start drifting away? Is that love's way of testing your true feelings"

theres a first time for brushing knuckles
a first time for holding hands
a first time for a slight blush turning into one big red faced beauty
a first time that he looks you straight in the eye and says that he would never hurt you.

theres a first time for everything.
and when that first kiss comes around...
there is just something about it that really makes you fill with radiating light
that feeling that your heart stops and sinks inside of you.
way to end a night baby..
x-men origins and then a run around town. your house then a kiss. hmmmm

this could be an everlasting relationship because each day i fall in love with you more and more. and everday that i am away from you it makes me miss you.
me being held in your arms is like the most amazing dream i never thought would come true. yeah baby im talking about you....
i think i can safely say that you make me fall in love with you each day...

explosions...

listening to smile empty soul
pushing you farther and farther into the street
waiting for that speeding car to just hit you hard.
knock you out unconscious, dead, lifeless.



yeah im talking about you..
yeah i feel like exploding...
yeah these feelings are real.
why you ask..because you use people



you use boys for the status of a relationship
you use your friends to constantly complain...
yelling and complaining about problems that are yours
and we are the verbal punching bag.



you think everyone is out to get you.
you think that everyone hates you
and when u want advice and we speak it.
you walk off and reject it if u dont like what you hear.



well im done now...
my day is pretty awesome.
i cant stop smiling.
unless your complaining.
i have the sweetest boyfriend
its a constant down pour outside.
lots of rain. its actually quite magical.

im sitting in photo j
while kids play with the photobooth on the macs
im writing a blog..=]

kaaaa--raaazzzzyyy

prom was saturday!! it was so much fun. me and my date looked amazing
the only problem i had with the night was that i had to share my date with someone who was once a good friend. but i let her go. i had my good time.
ill have some pictures up later...=] i felt beautiful for the first time in a long time and i was working it. i danced to every dance i could and i had a smile all all night even when things werent good. i didnt get to slow dance with my date at the dance for the whole world to see. so he made it up to me. after we left prom we went to white castles for JA-LOP-ENO =] burgers and then back to my house for a small ville marathon. when we got back he told me to pick a song to dance to and we slow danced in my living room. we danced to carrie underwood i told you so with randy travis. it was truely alot of fun. i would have to say that im very proud that i taught him to dance. i taught him the two step and a waltz. haha!! he said that it was fun and loves to dance with me.

but that was then...

this week is a crazy week. we have block scheduling so we have the odd days yesterday and today. 85 minutes in most of the classes and none of our lunches are the same and then tomorrow and thursday we have even classes and then a homeroom afterwards but thank god the seniors get a break...oh yeah!! we get to play some senior olympics games and stuff...

scary stuff to be thinking about graduating. next week we practice for graduation. ugh...yeah i graduate very soon...XD

so im sitting in photo journalism as of right now and we are playing scattergories. its fun to have a free day in here all the time. never have homework but to take pictures... so its practically an easy A!!

= 0 things are crazy!!

omg. so i have some serious drama in my life and im sooo done with alot of it!
my ex best friend told me she "is going to make her prom a living hell"
and im like yeah and how do u plan to do that.((this is a girl who has betrayed me that she wants to hurt cause she likes andrew as well))
she told me that she would kiss my ex and her now boyfriend in front of everyone at prom to show they are dating so that she will back off.
and i told her that that would hurt me ALOT more than it would hurt her. and you know it. and she was like well i dont wanna hurt you. and i told her gee thanks. and shes like your welcome. and im like thats not what i meant and shes like i know your telling me i crossed the line. and i havent said anything to her since.
so tonight he tells me that he told the other girl that he and my ex best friend were dating as of tonight which it has been a secret for a while.
im just like will you both stop rubbing it in my face!?!!
im freaking losing my hair and breaking out from stress and being depressed.
im like pulling out huge hand fulls of hair and im practically a wreck. i dont sleep at night because it hurts. i can barely eat because it hurts. my seminary grades are dropping because i lost all care in seminary and school honestly.
no one really knows how bad it hurts.
ill tell you how bad it hurts. i have told all 3 of them how much im hurt.
but they dont understand and they would be dating either way. no matter what i would say.

sorry to rant i really needed to get it out. and i dont wanna hear there are better guys out there. cause i was really liking this guy and getting to know him made alot of things amazing. i was always happy with him. and when its just the two of us hanging out everything feels amazing. but when u add one or the other things are like back off!!!!! i was a whole new person with him. i was always happy. always smiling.

now i just sit in my room all day and listen to sad songs and songs of rage and furry. i listen to HURT by JOHNNY CASH for gods sake. i mean seriously.
i need to stop getting to attached to people. maybe ill become a freaking nun.
join a convent. marry jesus. never see another man again. fall out of love and the real world all together. i mean seriously im having freakin bi-polar mood swings. ill go all the way to extreme crazy and then ill be calm and be like i wanna hang.
other times i wanna break someone in half and it being my ex best friend.

today i went from rage to cheery to blank in a matter of 20 minutes.
whats going on here? im serious getting sick. im making myself sick.
i cant fully enjoy prom this year. cause my date is dating my friend.
and they are going to freakin flaunt it all over the dance floor.
then they are staying at the hotel and are having a get together after prom
im just going to leave and go home and freakin veg.

then graduation announcements came in this week. and i didnt get any. we didnt order them. but the fear that graduation is seriously almost here. freaks me out!
im making my announcements. but for those who read this i graduate JUNE 7th AT 7 PM AT THE FAMILY ARENA. yeah we are one of the last ones to walk. ugh...
and on top of all that my entire april is filled with choir things every weekend. like next weekend is prom. the next weekend is dinner concert. and we are totally NOT ready for that. ugh

wow this is crazy long. i didnt think all this ranting would come out. but im like that and this is like a freaking journal so im spilling.

single ladies is on my personal radio. its such an awesome song. and its so how i feel. but then again so is disturbia by rhianna. see two emotions at once. crazy.
its giving me a headache. i wanna dance so bad. and omg its raining. haha glorious rain! atleast its not snow.

so i havent been sleeping lately. this week i have been staying up late because i cant sleep. and finally pass out at my computer at like 130 in the morning when usually im down at 11 pm.

so i got my dress for prom. its pretty. and now i need to find a place to get my hair done. and im going to get my nails done the friday before prom. so they will be pretty. yay! i am excited about that. and that friday night i plan to have some girls come over to have a mini spa thing and get all pampered before prom. so it should be pretty fun. so im just busy busy busy.

waking up fearless

haha. so i just got the new taylor swift cd. AWESOME!!!! and i got the david archuleta cd. wow. im just behind in my music updates. haha. i love them both!

so i have some bad news. new jersey wont be having a new populating member.
im not moving there anymore. cant afford a long distance school. and i dont have a car to get me anywhere when i get up there. not a big deal. just a huge bummer.
there are plenty of other beauty schools that i could attend. or i might just work for a year. then attend school later. we shall see. right now. i need a job. this summer is going to be a big load of busy for me.

in other news. prom is right around the corner for me. i still have my date even though my bumped down best friend is now dating him. god! she is mean. thats a long story. not going to tell. still cant get over him..

i saw fast and furious last night. good movie. although i have not seen the other...3? yes something like that. saw it with my ex and his brother and some other friends from karate. no i dont do karate...they are just friends. haha. got home super late from that. like almost 1230 this morning.. haha.

my burn from about a week ago i think is healing. its still a huge bummer on my hand. was really gross the other day. but im sure its fine looking now. haha.

yesterday was state contest for band and choir. im in the choir. we went to warrenton high school. and let me brag just once if i must. haha we got 2 ones across the floor and a 1 in site reading!!!! how amazing is that!! ((its really good if u didnt know)) =] we were there from about 2 in the afternoon till about 7 at night. didnt get home till about 8 ish. and it was COLD! but it was really fun. i had a great time and i was happy to get out of school. wasnt honestly looking forward to 7th period. sorry.

but today is tartan days down on main street. i might go down for a tad to see some friends down there. might go for a huge run. i need to loose alot of weight. my goal before school starts is to loose around 20 lbs. and keep going. so goodbye to soda,junk food and fats. cause im eating healthy and going running. need to buy me some diet pills too...hmmm??? i wanna come back from school looking HOT! haha. well not flabby i suppose. no more baggy clothes. hello to fit and heatlthy...=]

cooking fiasco.... oi oi oi

so yesterday in foods class we were making our cream pies.
and first off it was down to me and one partner out of 4.
so i made the crust and he worked on the pie filling...
put to much milk in the pudding mix. so that caused us to have to mix banana cream and vanilla....it actually tasted good. but he still messed it up.
anyway. so my crust looked fantastic. and when the freak of a partner ((thats another story)) poured the pudding into the crust...he over filled it.
i put the cling wrap on top and tried to find a place to put it in the fridge.
well even tho i held the plate level the filling sloshed around and poured out the side and onto my hand and my pant leg. i wiped off my hand and already had a blister.
so now i have a blister on my knuckle and a HUGE one on the top. and its gross!

anyway so when my teacher was grading she called me over and told that she failed my partner on the filling because he royally messed up and then i got a 19/20 on the crust because it shrank a bit. but whatever. the teacher blamed him for me being burned.
it was sooo funny!!

so my partner is really weird. he follows you. stares at you. doesnt give you space. he tried to talk to me as if we are best friends. and i have never talked to him in anyway. idk but he freaks me out. sorry....just a negative feeling with him around.

welcome home warrenton troops

so this past weekend the 3 units from warrenton came home from Kosavo.
i and my family had the pleasure of attending the welcome home ceremony.
yes we didn't know any of the men and women, but my dad knew one of the men because he was his company commander at one point. and also this was a home armory for my mom when she was in the military. so it was a good place to go to.
my mom and dad were a part of the patriot guard. yo lots of motorcycles and bikers riding in front of the buses. there was a parade of fire trucks, police, ambulances, motorcycles from the legion, and the actually Missouri patriot guard. it was amazing.
i got some awesome pictures of the parade. some of the soldiers coming off the buses. families reuniting after 18 months in kosavo. it was really sweet.
the ceremony was very long but they tried to keep it short. haha
i will find a way to get the pictures up soon. because they were amazing.
and honest to blog i cried during he ceremony.yes i didnt know the men and women but it was still something...

your in charge now!

yeah so im addicted to the movies master and commander
and horatio hornblower. yeah im a nerd. but they are good

today omgeezus!
my group in anatomy got to disect a sheeps eye ball
yeah it was gross. but it was kinda fun.
i got some pretty pictures on my phone.
but i cant upload them. i soo wish that i could.
there was a transparent sac of goop inside.
omgeezus it was soo cool.
i got to touch it. its squishy and rubbery.
and to think that we have rubbery sacs of goop in our face!
haha. yeah the most interesting specimen that some other groups today
got to disect was the cow eye ball. yes we had a choice and im glad we stuck with the sheep eye. haha. inside the casing i shall call it, there was a goop that looked like hair gell. now think of everytime you put a large golf ball size amount of hair goop in your hair and smear it thru your hair that maybe some of that weird goop is from a cow's eye ball.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE THESE WEIRD THINGS COME FROM!!!

JUST SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT...

you can yell at me later for grossing you out.

THANKS ALOT AMANDA!!!!!!!

jonas 3d!!!

so today i have a half day.
and me and my friend are going to see
jonas brothers 3d concert!
better be worth the freakin $15 i paid for 1 ticket!
then im headed off to randi's out in wentzville.
what a weekend this will be..

im sitting in child development.
and this is seriously the only time of day
while im at school
to get on here and say something.
i never remember to get on at home.

so i hope everyone has a beautiful and wonderful weekend
love lots!!

addiction

so a typical good mormon should be addicted to reading the scriptures correct?
well im not sorry. im addicted to something much much stronger.
and they tell us that music is bad. that basically we should listen to church music and classical. um. sorry but i like something i can relate to.
and HOT DOG! i found it.
everything i listen to i can relate to and lately im addicted to taylor swift and all the songs on her fearless cd...WHICH I WANT SOOO BADLY
and then omgeezus...the veronicas. they rock my socks.
but anyway. i just wanted to get that out
....
im really depressed.
and im really tired of friends and others telling wait and it will happen.
everything gets better. blah blah blah.
im so done with that.
cause right now im 18. NEVER been kissed. NEVER held hands that way with a guy
seriously if u count dancing with a guy and holding his hand ur nuts. cause then my sister meagan would have gotten more than me and shes 10!!!
and im tired of the freaking fat jokes. although its all true. cause im freaking huge. and i think thats a part of me STILL being single. boooorrrriiiinnnggg!!
but really its hard for girls to lose weight cause of all the stress guys put on us
and im hugely stressed right now.
college, PROM! which i still dont have a date. and im really upset cause i want a date for my freaking senior prom!!!
gah now im crying...
what a diary entry this is.
hooosha avril lavigne. she is the shiznit. and im proud to say that her songs make me cry even more. cause they are sooooooo true!!!!
i just wanna go home. and im already home...

text me if u have my number. its unlimited. but my patience on waiting for a guy is soooooooo limited. so stop telling me it will happen. cause ITS NOT!!

listen to avril lavigne's nobody's home. cause its me...

cookies in foods class

dude wow those cookies were AMAZING!
i have never made chocolate chip cookies from scratch
and them turn out this amazing.
although im having some issues with this crazy weird
guy who stares at me and like follows me.
and dude i mean i want space.
like you get to close and ill turn and punch
i said that sorry to be brutally honestly
and pretty rude. but still. i need my space home fry.
haha, so anyway..

we made some seriously amazing cookies. really good.
and when i came into 7th hour i had a huge grin on
and the interpreter asked me why i was smiling
and i gave her a cookie and then everyone wanted one.
thankfully i had a few with me. and i was able to get one
but i think we are making the rest of our batch tomorrow.
so i hope to get more. haha

well im out.
going to take some photos with photobooth
see ya later!

retarded

my school is anyway.
cause it wont let me look at my blog..

random spazzing...may commence.
sitting in my child development class.
finishing our brochures.
computers are NUTS!
my head hurts.

wow so i got this random text this morning
and i swear people these days who come up
with stupid forward messages HAVE NO LIFE!
this is the one i got this morning...

i heard the saddest story this morning
about a 3 year old girl who was so neglected
by her mother that the dogs started to raise
the child. she brawls, and barks as if she is a dog.
the child ate dog food and chewed on bones as well.
the mother went to jail ofcourse and the child is go
stare care where they plan to help the child relize she
is a human and not a dog. lets stop child abuse!
true story. heard it on cornbread in the morning

CAN YOU SERIOUSLY GET ANY WEIRDER!!
oh sanap. time to go..BYE!

assembly with evander holyfield and choir fun with the seniors

some of the best fun i have had this year!

school yesterday!

was amazing!
we had a school assembly and GUES WHO WAS THERE!!!
evander holyfield! 4 time world heavy weight champion
yeah i had NO idea who he was till yesterday.
but it was awesome.
he talked about us living out our dreams.
and we can do it!
and we got free shirts and his friend came and we got a free ringtone from his newest music video
that our school was THE FIRST to see. hadnt been aired on tv yet and we saw it!
freaking awesome YO!

and yesterday was the pep assembly before evander.
it was...eh. i hate pep assemblies. cause they dont pep me up. lol
but me and my friend katie siebuhr made some wicked awesome senior chicks shirts.
i have pictures. ill put them up in a minute.
we had our senior group in choir make these shirts. so we looked good. haha
your just jealous cause we had more neon than you did on!

haha. well im making spaghetti for lunch.
im such a great cook. woohoo!
ill post another with pictures. much love!

first kiss? but in a dream =*[

so last night i had some wacky cooky dreams.
and the one that stood out to me..was..

MY FIRST KISS!!! <--- that is what we should call it. =]




so it starts out like im playing a video game, except the fact that im in the game...=/
and me and my friends are driving a mini van, well more of a hippie van! GO 60's!!
and then we were on this windy road in the middle of a jungle thingy.
and you know that game wack a mole?

well this time it was alligators and we had to
drive over them and try to not hit them depending on their size.
well by middle of my dream it was me all by myself and i was running and having to
swim from these alligators. i was very fast. thank you VERY much. and so i got to this island
and there was a house type of thing.

(((lord cain was the one to see the dark human dolls...)))


^and if some of you have read godchild you will understand what i say... i walked into a back room where i woman stood and she said if u wanna see your friends they are right in here. so i followed her...she led me into a room with two large tables and on top were tarps with funny bulges underneath and i thought omg what has she done!!!
she pulled the covers off them and they looked very much the same just not breathing and i started crying. and one of them gets up off the table and comes to me and he says please dont cry we are all right. see she has done us a favor. we can live forever. and it made me worse. he felt hollow.

then outta no where he looked at me in that way that i melted. and i kissed him.
but it felt like i was kissing a robot. and i didnt like it. till some how i had the feeling that they were pretending to have turned or whatever so that she wouldnt kill them.
and then he kissed me for real. like as if that kiss turned him human 100%
and thats when i woke up. i couldnt take it anymore.
im so sick of my kisses being in my dreams. and getting married in my dreams.
but in those i cant see the persons face. its like a huge blank.

but this one was just so real. i wish that it could have been..



thats one thing i hate about being a hopeless romantic.
i just keep dreaming of my happiness and it never comes.
i havent held a guys hand. i havent been that close to a guy.
i just feel empty inside and it makes me cry.

maybe in my dream the hollow-ness of him was how i feel.
and him kissing me was just a mirrage.
im done. i have a spa to get ready for later.
i cant take remembering my dreams. they really bum me out...

wanna know something

sitting in photo journalism and you think that a blog would be ok to check out.
but god forbid that you cant actually view the page. its weird stuff.

RACHEL LUTE SAYS HI! to all my readers

i wanna listen to my music. cause im that bored.
well not really the people that im chillin in the corner with are pretty awesome

so anyway i dont really have much to say today. or really anyday.
cause my life really isnt that interesting.

currently...
mood : bored, tired
clothing : comfy jeans and t-shirt.
music : nothing...sigh. i miss my music.
time : 1:49 pm
favorite color : blue. well cause thats alot of what im wearing. score
favorite food of the day : bagel bites. OMG! had those last night.
what can i say im in love with bagel bites.
so its a random moment...
maybe one of these days ill start some weekly thing.


so im not liking these macs. the keys are WAY to far apart.
gah its so difficult to type.

so have you noticed that blue eyes are really mysterious in the rain light?
almost grey and misty. but they pop when to sun comes out. or how about hazel eyes? have u ever really wondered the real reason why hazel eyes change colors when u wear different colors or when ur mood changes.
idk i was just curious.

well im gonna go um....yeah. BYE!!!

oh its colorful font calling?! where did it go?!

yeah so i screwed up my blog somehow.
i cant get color into my font. or change the size.
or do anything else that would be crazy.
i kinda sorta ok maybe alot miss it tons!
what do i do? where can i get the wonderful rainbow back into my font?!
and im not really all that creative with the nutso html or whatever thingys that u put in <> to get what u want either.
i think seriously im technologically retarded cause things fall apart and things break.
so please help me!! i wanna make things purdy again. =]

its been a while

wow when was the last time i wrote on here?
geez moses about a month ago. time to update.
my life is pretty boring right now.
well sorta. i was crowned princess the first saturday of the month in indiana.
score! i looked good but felt like poo.
had stomach flu... well i might as well just tell the story.
the first weekend was Reenactors convention..SYW..devision
in Mitchell indiana at the spring mill state park cabin inn.
HOOSHA IT WAS NICE!
i felt like poo the moment we started driving. so maybe sitting in the back gave me car sick idk. but i was not a happy camper on the way up. coughing and ew.
i had a photo journalism assignment to do that weekend. so i took my camera.
there were some really cool classes that i took.
making bodices, taking the right kinda pictures at events and a cannon one about grenades. woo that one was interesting haha.
but saturday around noon i couldnt make it. i had to go back to the room. and i slept for 8 hours off and on. and when i came back down it was time for dinner and i was dressed all fancy. and after dinner was over i found out that i was to be crowned princess. and my prince...hooosha! he was dang fine!
so we helped pass out awards and then the dance! we were flirting all night.
and danced with each other to almost every dance. would have been them all but it got hot to dang fast. haha but we now stay in touch. i have his number.

now this weekend was another dance the Kings Ball. aka the mardi gras of 1750's time period haha
i danced all night long. took my friend maggie with me and we had a blast!

but now im just bored. got a cold 3 day weekend and i dont have anything to do...hmmm.
i wanna dance some more. i love dancing. and playing dress up...

...quiet....

its better now. the yelling anyway...
but things seem very tense....
things are not the way it used to be..
before the war. stupid iraqis.
oh well what can we do now?

i have been thinking about college these past couple of weeks.
and so its not very quiet in my head..lots of running around up there.
lots of are you sure this is what you want?
are you sure u wanna move out?
blah blah blah.
if i wasnt sure then i wouldnt being doing crazy things.
i wanna go to a cosmetology school.
and there are 3 to choose from.
one in new jersey.
one in edwardsville illinois.
and one some where close to the mall?

but i wanna do something i want.
and i think i have decided....
but i need the help of so many. and so much.
i cant even think straight. grants this and loans that.
money money money!
sometimes i wish that college could be free. ugh...

i just need a scholarship. a grant. and loans up the waazoooo!
im going nuts down here...
ugh....

the scariest thing ever

my week has been very relaxing. until i exploded on sunday. yeah thats what i said sunday. lol
i have been having problems alot lately with my mom.
i dont want to go into details over them. but i am.
and then i exploded and cried all morning on sunday.
and even tho i expressed how i was truely feeling.
she still gives me the guilt trips im so sick of!

and i think our family is falling apart very very fast.
no one outside the house knows it. but its scarying all of us kids.
doors slam. everyone cries. then there is silence. im running out of places to hide.
i dont know what to do. and i cant wait till something happens and its all fixed.
well i hope fixed as in it gets much much better.

i seriously want to run away. live with someone far away.
i dont want to hear the screaming and the crying.
i just want peace.quiet. i want happiness.

thats where it ends.
with me in the ground.
i cant take it!